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When Obama Becomes President

08 Jul

It doesn’t matter one bit what either candidate SAYS will be their foreign policy, specifically ending the war in Iraq/Afghanistan/Catalina Island/Whereeverthephuck because the day after he’s sworn in, he gets that SUPER TOP SECRET SECURITY BRIEFING. You know the one:

  • The one where they tell him where the frozen aliens from Roswell are kept.
  • The one where they tell him what our secret astronauts are doing in that totally contained, six- mile wide space station they’ve been living on since 1982.
  • The briefing where he’s told about our Top Secret Weapon that looks like a ball point pen that can incinerate the tallest building or a mass of 100,000 people with the flick of the nob as its pointed to any location on any map.
  • The briefing where he’s told Walt Disney was resurrected from his frozen state 7 years ago, explaining the Mily Cyrus phenonmenon.
  • The briefing where he’s told about our finding Osama bin Laden over 2 years ago but allow him to remain free because – in the long run – its all good for the economy. Trickle-down DOD contracts. “A Pentagon half empty is a Pentagon half effective.”
  • He’ll be briefed on why allies today will be shit-heels tomorrow so as to improve his policy on “change”.
  • He’ll be told the secrets of strategic planning for fluctuating unemployment and what it means to our third world nation colonies, er, fellow global marketeers.
  • He’ll be told who the untouchables are in politics, science, the arts, commerce and industry no matter their indiscretions or heinous crimes.
  • He will be briefed on all the immoral and illegal covert actions we are conducting against private citizens and foreign countries all over the globe and that he has no power to either constrain or terminate any of it.
  • And when he comes out of that briefing, *he* will be CHANGED. He will have aged. He will have the heavy weight of office firmly saddled to his back and his gait will be more restrained. His brow more furrowed. His grin less bright. His back bone less straight. His determination more compromised. His confidence eroded by the realization that consensus lights the path on which he walks rather than leads. He will walk slowly down that long hallway from the West Wing to the East Wing, a tiny tear transforming his soul.

And so it shall be a new beginning with a new President – in our evolved Democracy.

The second day he is in office – after that briefing…..

*************************************************************

On a lighter note is the following from poster “Ecclesfan” on the HBO Deadwood forum, Member Created Threads: Politics in Deadwood. The visual made me LOL.

“I can’t help myself. A picture just popped into my head. On election night, early, John and Cindy McCain are sitting on a couch watching the results. All the major networks call it for Obama in a landslide. Senator McCain, knowing he’s got to make a phone-call to Obama, reaches over and gently squeezes Cindy’s hand for support. She has heard that little catch in his voice before, when he’s been on the verge of tears. He’s been beaten. All his efforts, and all the campaigning, and all the traveling, and all the work that went in to this night, and now it’s over. Cindy, pulling her hand free, stands up, looks down at her husband, and says: “How could you do this to me?” “

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4 responses to “When Obama Becomes President

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