19 May


We are streaming live at the Central Police Station Courthouse where crowds have converged and reporters with notepads and pencils scribble furiously to meet newspaper deadlines to tell the world what is happening with the prime suspect – Lizzie Andrew Borden – in this most heinous double murder of the notable Andrew Borden and his second wife, Abby Durfee Gray Borden. Public emotions haven’t been so taut since the Granite Mill Fire.

Miss Borden was accompanied yesterday by her sister, Emma Borden and friend Mary Brigham. Lizzie wore a sleek Ralph Lauren two piece suit with side-slitted skirt accentuated with pearl buttons. Her right hand clutched her pansy engraved I-Phone while her left hand held tightly to her sister, adorned as usual in her plain synthetic fabric smock of no discernable fashion. Mary Brigham was nicely groomed in a Donatello knee length summer day dress with the neckline cut appropriately for the occasion. We are told that Lizzie was upset by some press remarks yesterday as to her hair style. Her shakey but loyal assistant, Alice Russell, has reported we can be expected to see Lizzie in nut-brown hair extensions today.

All manners of conveyance have crowded the tiny square of Central Police Station and horse carts, wagons, ice trucks and inebriated Irishmen riding piggyback on the shoulders of men from the Azores jostle for position. By the hundreds they have swarmed to this area. Men vastly outnumber the women who have surged upon this scene, crushed as it were – and who can say but that the murderer may be among them?

Miss Borden will continue her testimony in this Inquest before District Attorney Hosea Knowlton but it is not known if she will be remanded to the custody of the Marshall or returned to the scene of the crime when the proceedings conclude. A reliable source (no, not John Morse) has said that Miss Borden does not intend to spend a single night in jail let alone be charged with these crimes. Her spiritual advisor, the Reverend Buck, told confidential sources that Miss Lizzie will be signing a record contract with Clive Davis’ label and is in contact with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil. It is not known if such contacts are for bookings on their show or some other reason. But it has been confirmed that Ann Rule, noted Seattle, Washington author, who was spotted in the courtroom yesterday, will be making an appearance again today. As to whether or not Ms. Rule is featuring these murders as the topic of her new book, one can only speculate.

Wait, wait – we see her, the limo approaches – the throngs of people in the square are waving off to the left…..she is upon us.

“Miss Lizzie! Miss Lizzie! What have you to say?” “You look beautiful, Lizzie.”

——-to be continued


Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Just for Laughs, Time Portals


Tags: , ,

3 responses to “TMZ-ing LIZZIE BORDEN

  1. sanju

    November 11, 2008 at 1:58 AM

    Good blog

  2. ton

    November 15, 2008 at 8:37 AM

    Excellent essay and site. I put a link to your compassion essay on my website. Good work.

  3. senaysen

    December 10, 2008 at 12:33 PM

    Thanks for the great tips.


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