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EXCLUSIVE! POST NATAL AUDIO TAPES OF KIM KARDASHIAN AFTER DELIVERING BABY!

15 Aug

Talk about timing!  Earlier this evening I posted about the first photos of Kim Kardashian walking and with her baby on my Facebook page.

kim1

You know what I love about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Whenever you see pics of them with their 6 kids, they each have hold of the hand of at least two of them. That’s 4 kids. They usually have a couple nannies and body guards walking very close by. But those two parents have a firm grip on their 4 youngest in almost every photo. So Kim Kardashian gets photo’d today…..her nanny has her baby on one side of her and a bodyguard is walking on the other side of her. Kim has one hand on a cell phone or Blackberry or whatever the hell, and is gripping some big ass designer purse in the other. Just sayin’.”

*EXCLUSIVE* First pictures of Kim Kardashian since giving birth to baby North WestNow she has the bodyguard carrying her purse.

*EXCLUSIVE* First pictures of Kim Kardashian since giving birth to baby North West

*EXCLUSIVE* First pictures of Kim Kardashian since giving birth to baby North WestBodyguard guarding Kim going out the door, not the baby.

*EXCLUSIVE* First pictures of Kim Kardashian since giving birth to baby North West

Kim still gripping her designer bag.

Well, as luck would have it, I was just given a copy of the secret taping in the post delivery room soon after Kim gave birth to her baby girl.  Here is a transcript:

Dr. Delivery:  So, how are you feeling, Kim?

KK:  How do you think?  Look at me.  I’m a mess.

DD:  That’s to be expected.  Actually, you look fine.  Would you like to see your little baby daughter now?

KK:  You’ve got to be kidding!  Like this?  Khloe, hand me my mirror……Oh….My…..God.

Kris  Jenner:  Oh honey, you don’t look bad.  Really.

KK:  Easy for you to say, you didn’t go through what I just did.

KJ:  Uh, actually I did.  Seven times.

KK:  Look at my stomach!  Doctor, can you prescribe something for me to make my stomach go flat?

DD:  It will reduce faster if you breastfeed.

KK:  Breastfeed???  No way.  Khloe hand me my lipstick.

Kourtney Kardashian:  Kim, you don’t want to put on lipstick – you’ll get it all over the baby.

KK:  Not if I don’t kiss her, I won’t.  I’ll just pat her on the head and hug her, right honey?

Kanye West:   (standing in a corner of the room, head down) Don’t look at me.  Don’t even talk to me.

KK:  Doctor, I am so stressed.  I absolutely have to get my weight back to at least ten pounds LESS than I was before I got pregnant,.  I can’t be photographed until I look amazing.

Bruce Jenner:  I’ll design a work-out program for you.

Kris:  Leave her alone, Bruce.  I don’t even know why you’re here.

DD:  I’ve sent the nurse for the baby, Kim.  It will do your spirits good to see her.

KK:  Doctor, I can not be seen in public until I look absolutely fabulous.  I want you to prescribe something that will accelerate my weight loss.

DD:   As I’ve recommended, breast feed for ….well, just try it for 3 months.

Kourtney K:  It worked for me.

KK:  Well, I’m not you, am I?  You don’t have the obligations and work load I have do you.  Isn’t that right, honey (looks at Kanye).

Kanye:  Why are you talking to me?

KK:  Mom, have you found a Nanny yet?  I’m not, repeat, I am not, going to be changing poop out of a diaper when I get home.  I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.  (Checks herself again in mirror).

Nurse:  Here’s your little daughter.

KK:  Wait.  Kourtney, take this mirror.  Khloe, take this lipstick.  Mom, hand me a tissue.

Nurse hands Kim the baby.  Kim puts tissue on top of baby’s head, bends her head down and purses her lips about 3 inches from baby’s head.

KK:  There.  Doctor, Don’t you think I’m doing a good job bonding?  (smiles)

DD:  Yes, ma’m.  Absolutely.  You’re the best mother I’ve seen all day.  Well, I better go and start my rounds.  Goodbye ladies, Bruce, Mr. West.

KW: (still in the corner, still looking down) Don’t talk to me.

KK:  Here mom, you take her.  I’m exhausted.  Khloe, hand me my Blackberry. 

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Posted by on August 15, 2013 in Nothing to do with Lizzie

 

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