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Lizzie Borden Would Not Have Liked the Digital World

10 Apr

Aside from taking into consideration Lizzie was a prolific reader and didn’t “do things in a hurry”, I think she would agree with my sarcasm on the following):

I’m so grateful I live in a digital world that allows me to view movies I’ve already seen or maybe not have seen because I didn’t want to buy it but now can for only $7.99. And I’m grateful that my cable company, for a moderate fee, allows me to view those movies on my 60” flat screen.

More to my happiness is the fact I can view a movie on my Galaxy wristband while traveling on Hawaiian Airlines unless I want to see one on my laptop, I-phone, I-pad, or cell phone. And my purchase of Kindle and all the cheap downloads relieve me of carrying a book or two or three inside my carry-on. And if I want to watch the in-flight movie on the seatback screen in front of me, I absolutely can for less than $20, which includes music, games and current events.

I am grateful for the fact, I check my emails on the go with my digital devices and whether I’m waiting in a theater for the movie or play to start, or just sitting in my baca lounger in front of that flat screen waiting for the HBO boxing event to start, the latter of which I’m proud to have access for an additional fee of less than $40.

I’m grateful I can have Netflix notify me anytime one of my favorite movies becomes available because of my special apps used on several of my digital devices. I’m grateful I can be on a beach sipping pina colladas knowing that what cute sayings my friends on Facebook are posting won’t go missed because of my audio alerts. I’m grateful I won’t miss any Tweets from friends or celebrities lest I miss a beat on trending topics or global events that would take hours to appear in traditional print news media.

I’m grateful my cell phone is linked to my I-Pad and can download music to my laptop. I love that I can DEMAND a movie from my cable TV provider, record it, then upload that to my digital wrist device and watch, holding it up to my ear and watching it while sitting in my seat at the cinema without people nearby knowing what I’m doing.

I’m grateful the digital devices and the monthly fees, as well as the apps costs, surpass my monthly cable bill by an amount that has yet to reach 4 rounded digits. I’m grateful most people will recognize the appropriate device on my person when I have fallen and can’t get up. And if they can not, I’m grateful I will have an abundance of digitized communicating devices from which they can use to call for additional help. I’m grateful first responders will most likely reach me in time so I don’t miss my Netflix choice to be shown on my cell phone as I recline in my hospital bed asking a nurse why I can’t upload to the mounted t.v. in my semi-private room.

I’m grateful you’ve spent so much time reading this entire “comment” when you could have been searching the Web for the next new thing in this self-indulgent digital world. But I suppose you already know there’s a app for that.

 

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Posted by on April 10, 2014 in Just for Laughs

 

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